The one thing we can know with certainty is that we cannot know what is coming. And that is the guarantee that has crippled me for as long as I can remember.
What class I would be in?
What teacher I would have?
What friends I would have in class?
If I would do okay or royally fail at (insert any: sport, game, test, tryout, solo)?
What college would I attend?
Is marriage my vocation?
Is this person I am dating the "one"?
Where I would get a job?
Where will I raise a family?
When will I get married?
These are just a few of the bigger unknowns in my short 23 years. And each one set me on a path of anxious worry.
But every question that ever arose had its root in one question:
"Will I be okay?"
Do you relate to this, little soul? When you see a situation on the horizon, or enter into something new, do you hear that little voice asking "Excuse me, will I be okay?"
And the reality is that without the antidote I found two years ago, you cannot answer it or combat the worry. You might be okay once you enter into that season/job/class/game/vocation/relationship, but you might not. And since it is all up to you (without the antidote), I can guarantee you one thing.
Until you "know", you won't be okay right now. You will be restless, grasping, anxious, aggressive, angry, insecure, unsettled, passive (you name your coping mechanism) until you finally "know". Because if it is all up to you, you will be spinning your wheels trying to think of every possible way things could go wrong in this season, and then try to solve it. Or, you will ignore it entirely until it builds up.
This is crippling. This crippled me most of my life, and it still can cripple me when I see big changes on the horizon with outcomes that I am not sure about.
So what the heck is the antidote?
Trust & Time.
Trust and Time seem like two really abstract and fluffy answers that are not applicable to everyday worries and life. So, let's dive deeper.
By trust, I mean trust in the Good Father, the Creator God, the Author of your life and mine. By trust I mean having the peaceful security children have in their parents to care for their needs. By trust I mean that we take ourselves less seriously and take God's ability to work things out for good in his time regardless of whether or not we made the "perfect choice" or received exactly what we wanted.
That sounds nice, but it is super hard to have. You can know you need to trust God, but that doesn't always allow you to rest peacefully in the unknown outcome as you try to graduate college or become a first time mother or father.
So how to we grow this muscle of trust? How do we live it out?
One, recognize that it will take time. You will have to practice this your ENTIRE life. Once you wrestle through one trial of trust, another one that requires greater trust will arise, allowing you to go deeper by trusting the Lord with more and more.
So, you have to practice trust in the moment. That means that you will:
1. Have to recognize when you are anxious grasping or approaching an unknown season or situation
2. Have to implement tools during those moments as often as they arise in a day
What are the tools? There are so many, but I have listed a few that have (over 2-3 years) changed my life and continue to do so.
1. Practicing mindfulness.
Acknowledge your thoughts. Then, put them aside. Take 3 minutes to be still and notice (in great detail) your current moment's surroundings, sounds, feelings. Notice your body and how it feels. Pay attention to each little limb, finger, toe. Recognize that in this moment, you are safe, you are alive, and the world is okay. Be mindful of the present moment when your thoughts try to pull you to solve a problem that doesn't yet exist.
(Read Catholic Mindfulness by Dr. Gregory Bottaro. It'll change your life.)
2. Devote oneself to Divine Mercy. Learning to trust in the Merciful Love of Jesus by way of St. Faustina and St. Therese of Lisuex's example will change the way you view your role in "figuring it all out". Rather than grasping anxiously, you can rest in knowing that as long as you are trying, Jesus will know "how to come get you". He will carry you in His arms, like a child, to where you need to be. However, he can only do this if we settle down and trust him.
Picture Jesus trying to pick up a child who is determined to climb the impossible mountain by himself. The child doesn't trust that Jesus will actually let him victoriously reach the top or lead him where he wants to go, so he fights and squirms and makes it impossible for Jesus to carry him.
It is much easier on us and results in better outcomes if we can take those first steps, but then reach out and let Jesus take us where we need to go on the path that is best for us (whether or not we think it is the best one to take).
(Do the 33 day Consecration to Merciful Love. It will also change your life.)
3. When a thought enters your mind about this situation and causes feelings of anxiety, take note of it and enter into this meditation:
You are sitting at a river bank. The aspens are changing and leaves are falling down. Jesus comes to sit next to you, and as a leaf falls, you pick it up and put the situation, thought, or worry on the leaf. Then, you hand it over to Jesus and he floats it down the river.
As many times as you need to stop the thought from becoming a series of many thoughts and anxieties, use this meditation throughout the day.
4. Imitate St. Faustina in prayer:
"When I see that the burden is beyond my strength, I do not consider or analyze it or probe into it, but I run like a child to the Heart of Jesus and say only one word to Him: "You can do all things." And then I keep silent, because I know that Jesus himself will intervene in the matter, and as for me, instead of tormenting myself, I use that time to love Him."
(Saint Faustina's Diary # 1033)
Friends, by growing trust in each situation that tests it over time, you can naturally fall into a childlike dependence upon Jesus's goodness. In every unknown, you will automatically know that as long as you are trying to do the best you can and love God and others the best you can, He will carry you to where you need to be. You will know that you can trust Him.
What other tools have you found to grow trust? What is Jesus using in this season to allow you to practice trust?
Cheers to journeying this path together, friends.
Jesus I Trust in You.
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